Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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