Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
