I saw his package. It spoke to me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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