My hair reeks of homosexuality.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
