i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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