Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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