I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
