please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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