Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
