I'm gonna have a badass scar
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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