just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
