my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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