Don't you send me to vm
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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