Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
