It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
