There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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