it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
