Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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