my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
