I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
