On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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