dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
