These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
