this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
