So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
