On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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