Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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