My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
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A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
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I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.