I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks