It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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