Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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