Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize