I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
