hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you win again, gameday.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
