I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
