Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
