walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
