Can i not drive my cunt home
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
