i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
ugly people sure do ruin things
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
