Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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