put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
