Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
