Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
