i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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