Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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