worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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