i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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