That's intense
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
