So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
