I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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