Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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