Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
