So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Randomize
