I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
