Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
