Whats the glycemic index on semen?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
