3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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