im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
