Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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