you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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