Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
