But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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