Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
