im six kinds of drunk right now
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
