So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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