is your mom at the bar?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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